What a brain fog of a week! Honestly, I haven’t felt so “cloudy” for a while. You know: where you feel like you are in a rut, maybe emotionally, mentally or physically; and a fog sets in making you feel sluggish, drained and fatigued? Well, that was me this week.
Luckily I had signed up for a couple of online courses and one being the @the.courage.project hosted Courage to Change course which I mentioned in last week’s blog post. I started off slow, with fear stepping in as distractions, procrastination, excuses and perfectionism, however I have since completed the remaining activity today, leaving me all ready and prepared for next week’s 5 Day Mini Manifestation course.
It is an amazing, centred feeling when you open up your mind and heart to an exercise and you have a lightbulb moment. Within this week, I seem to have found a purpose; and an exciting new project was born. The last month and a bit has definitely left me feeling a bit lost and a bit floaty, not really knowing for sure what is in store for me.
I have been given an opportunity to work alongside my partner in his business, contribute in a team again with the lovely girls at By a Farmers Daughter, and have another passion project which allows me to work alongside a few of some amazing friends I have met through social media. All three lovelies who have come on board, I have so much respect for and are queens in their respective fields of self-care, EFT tapping and courage.
Take it from me: if you have ever felt this fog-like feeling, there is sunshine coming your way. Move through the fear, pick up your backpack of courage and push through the proverbial forest of self-doubt, low self-worth and fear of judgement. The open field of space, clarity and purpose is just over there, can you see it?
I see you,
Image by: @newleafwriter on Instagram
I know right? Me. The girl who is usually so confidence, sure of herself and the one who cheers on not only herself, but others. The last week I have been plagued by a little meanie called self-doubt and been bullied by my inner mean girl.
“What if I’m not doing a good job?”
“Am I seriously cut out for this?”
“I seriously feel like I’m winging it.”
Be honest. Have you ever asked yourself these questions or spoken to yourself like this?
Well, guess what? It is time to STOP and take action.
What am I doing about it? This little black sheep is delving back into learning, has taken hold of the brave stick and signed up for my girl, Casey Pringle’s 5 Day Courage to Change online course. Want in? Drop Casey an email: email@example.com and get doing. I’m super excited to break down some blocks I have been experiencing and to bust through the BS stories I have been telling myself.
Is that all? Oh my goodness no! I’m journaling, EFT tapping like a mad woman and applying essential oils until the home tribe come home (I don’t have cows! Hahaha!)
I am lucky. I have some amazing women who have supported me, been checking in on me and lifting me up when I feel like the anxiety and self-doubt fog is taking hold. A big shout out to my main dollfaces: Kaz Jones (my oil goddess), Jess Munks (the tapping queen extraordinaire), Mia Bates and Bella Bonazza (my co-workers who make me laugh so much me cheeks hurt!). You, my fabulous four, have brought me so much love and light the past nearly two months. I am so freaking grateful for you.
Find your tribe and love them hard, like I do mine. And if you don’t have one: join mine!
Tell that inner meanie to STFU,
Image by me: Confidence blend curated by Wilde Essence + Co, from their Happiness Kit. Check out their Instagram feed: @wildeessence
To date, this post would have to be one of the hardest and scariest ones I have written.
A two week adventure away with part of my home tribe, suddenly morphed into an unplanned sabbatical. Why? My eighteen year career in the male-dominating lifting and safety industry had ended, and the first time since being a fifteen year old, I did not have a full time job. To say I have been scared; BIG understatement. Luckily, I have a super supportive partner who, thankfully, is a realist, and has an amazing talent of putting everything into prospective. “Here’s to not having to chase the big money. You have worked so hard and now you deserve a break.”: this was a statement from one of my first discussions with him about my future work life; at the time I was at an all-time emotional low, however, I keep coming back to this snippet every time I feel overwhelmed or anxious.
I remember it being mid-July when I had a consuming, yet cleansing, journaling session where I had put out into the universe that I would like more time with Albie and to be able to put more energy into my projects: North Wellness Co and You, Me and ASD. Two weeks later I was given that opportunity. The timing may not have been ideal, especially with a two week trip to Fraser Island planned, then it dawned on me: This would be the FIRST adventure where I wasn’t rushing back for work. I could enjoy the time away and the disconnection from reality that little bit more. Finally I could experience “island time” how it should be: where the time space continuum slows right down and the experience - ridiculously laid back.
Well, it has been two weeks since we returned home from our trip away. It has been two days since my partner’s mother returned to New Zealand after spending the last week and a bit helping me pack up my rental to move back full-time into my partner’s home, and it has been a month since my full-time career ended.
Real talk: With so much more free time than I know what to do with, to be honest, I have been overwhelmed. Yes, I have had time to catch up with my mama friends. Yes, I am now more of a present parent, which shamefully, I felt like I had not been. [I went back to full-time work when Albie was seventeen weeks old!] Yes, I have more time to work on my projects and think about all the plans my partner and I have been discussing, however, still I am overwhelmed: by time, by the about of unpacking and minimising a lifetime of crap accumulated, and by finding myself again. Seriously, I feel lost and and like I am floating.
I find it epically amusing that the planner and scheduling demon in me hasn’t returned from Queensland. Where has she gone? When time literally controlled me and prevented me from doing so many things, now the days just seem to fly by without any sense of accomplishment.
Luckily it is Sunday which is the day I plan out the next week and I am happy to say that I am blocking out parts of the week for creating content, working on my projects, visiting my mama friends and also scheduling in the time I am working at my new casual job. There is still white space in my diary. White space scares me, but as they say “Everything happens outside your comfort zone” so I am embracing the white space and enjoying, at the moment, a slower life, just until I can find my feet and reconnect with the universe.
Stay tuned for more blog entries as I incorporate more writing into my Sundays and the journey to push myself outside my comfort zone.
Just an Endo mama and an ASD boy loving essential oils as well as the plant-based and wholefood life.