To date, this post would have to be one of the hardest and scariest ones I have written.
A two week adventure away with part of my home tribe, suddenly morphed into an unplanned sabbatical. Why? My eighteen year career in the male-dominating lifting and safety industry had ended, and the first time since being a fifteen year old, I did not have a full time job. To say I have been scared; BIG understatement. Luckily, I have a super supportive partner who, thankfully, is a realist, and has an amazing talent of putting everything into prospective. “Here’s to not having to chase the big money. You have worked so hard and now you deserve a break.”: this was a statement from one of my first discussions with him about my future work life; at the time I was at an all-time emotional low, however, I keep coming back to this snippet every time I feel overwhelmed or anxious.
I remember it being mid-July when I had a consuming, yet cleansing, journaling session where I had put out into the universe that I would like more time with Albie and to be able to put more energy into my projects: North Wellness Co and You, Me and ASD. Two weeks later I was given that opportunity. The timing may not have been ideal, especially with a two week trip to Fraser Island planned, then it dawned on me: This would be the FIRST adventure where I wasn’t rushing back for work. I could enjoy the time away and the disconnection from reality that little bit more. Finally I could experience “island time” how it should be: where the time space continuum slows right down and the experience - ridiculously laid back.
Well, it has been two weeks since we returned home from our trip away. It has been two days since my partner’s mother returned to New Zealand after spending the last week and a bit helping me pack up my rental to move back full-time into my partner’s home, and it has been a month since my full-time career ended.
Real talk: With so much more free time than I know what to do with, to be honest, I have been overwhelmed. Yes, I have had time to catch up with my mama friends. Yes, I am now more of a present parent, which shamefully, I felt like I had not been. [I went back to full-time work when Albie was seventeen weeks old!] Yes, I have more time to work on my projects and think about all the plans my partner and I have been discussing, however, still I am overwhelmed: by time, by the about of unpacking and minimising a lifetime of crap accumulated, and by finding myself again. Seriously, I feel lost and and like I am floating.
I find it epically amusing that the planner and scheduling demon in me hasn’t returned from Queensland. Where has she gone? When time literally controlled me and prevented me from doing so many things, now the days just seem to fly by without any sense of accomplishment.
Luckily it is Sunday which is the day I plan out the next week and I am happy to say that I am blocking out parts of the week for creating content, working on my projects, visiting my mama friends and also scheduling in the time I am working at my new casual job. There is still white space in my diary. White space scares me, but as they say “Everything happens outside your comfort zone” so I am embracing the white space and enjoying, at the moment, a slower life, just until I can find my feet and reconnect with the universe.
Stay tuned for more blog entries as I incorporate more writing into my Sundays and the journey to push myself outside my comfort zone.
Just an Endo mama and an ASD boy loving essential oils as well as the plant-based and wholefood life.